Dear Sanity (Tuesday's Search For Clarity)

     I am having the toughest time with my daughter lately. I couldn't understand why she has become so aggressive. Mean towards her brother saying she just wants to leave her alone. Not even two months ago she was so engulfed in day to day life with us as a group. Now she locks her self in her room, she's only eleven years old. I've been researching and she is actually a Pre-teen "I absolutely hate it!" She only talks to me when she feels like it. It's hurting me, as we are test dummies for one another oldest child (Learning to be a parent child).I truly believe this is the greatest test I will ever take on. How do you meet the combativeness? READ STUDY ABSORB REACT. I'm no psychologist but my method has been work. I came up with it after reading this article, maybe it'll help you too!

Child Mind Institue 
10 Tips for Parenting Your Pre-Teen
By: Juliann Garey

http://childmind.org/article/10-tips-for-parenting-your-pre-teen/
This Video helped also and gave me a tickle
YouTube Video Todays TMJ4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBVs52Loalk

The Disputer (Single Mom Issues Sundays)

       As a single mother like many, I rarely have anyone to depend on besides my mother. To take of my children in my absence as I strive to better their lives. I don’t get to see them much, but I try my best to implement in them what I feel will make the upstanding individuals in society. I expect my mother to reinforce my teachings………

       I have scoured the internet looking for advice on how to deal with my mother, and in my opinion her very disruptive parenting techniques. Although her heart is in the right place when expressing herself in front of my children, in regards to the way I’m raising them. Her delivery can be raunchy and too explicit for a very impressionable, 11-year-old 5-year-old and 2-year-old. Not that she uses profanity but everything isn’t for children’s ears.

      I feel like she’s trying to turn my children against me by allowing them to do things I don’t want them doing.  Not only that but while I’m verbally chastising my children she finds it funny to say “Diva Please as if you didn’t do the same thing as a child.” Giving my children justification in their eyes to outright disrespect and disobey me something has got to give.

     So you can’t disrespect you mom, but it’s ok for your mom to disrespect you. In front of your children, in front of your peers, at a party, and on the street. Whenever and where ever she sees fit. Most importantly in front of your children!   This leaves space for doubt. Are her intentions truly pure or just an evil plan, to turn my children into “little heartache minions”? That is the worst thing to think. Yet when the bad out weighs the good what are you to do. So I go back to a previous question. Can you keep your children away from their grandparents.

Naps Are Essential To Everyone In The Family (and the disputer)

Two year old Miss Aadeeah as we call her will fight you to the death in order to not take a nap so yesterday my mother let her win. I was very upset and tickled when I saw the photo because had I not been at work she would have been in her bed. "It's cute."So I explained to my mom why little people need to nap properly all the time. She says "Hogwash I let you drop where ever you passed out." I was not amused.Nap time is also break time for mom. You can do laundry,nap, or even ready a book. Either way IT IS ESSENTIAL!!! I also feel that a grandparent is supposed to reinforce what ever your trying to teach your children. That's a topic for another day , for now check this out.

Kids Health from Nemours
http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/naps.html

Web MD No- NonSense Napping Guide for Toddlers
http://www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/no-nonsense-napping-guide-for-toddlers#1

Beauty Is Her Name

http://www.blog.izzyandliv.com/2016/08/5-ways-to-empower-your-black-daugh

In preparation of preparing my 11-year old Muslim African American daughter, for 6th grade classes in the school year of 2017, It is an everyday struggle to instill into her mind that she is, Beautiful the kinky curls in her hair are her own,She doesn't want to wear her hijab to the new school she will attend. She truly believes other students will not interact with her. She feels this way because of occurrences at her previous school. So she wants to start fresh. I Say No! What do you think?

Social Media- What your Children are Actually being Exposed To (Facebook, Instagram, SnapChat, Whisper....etc) Get in the Know!!!

My beautiful 11 year old daughter begged me to let her create a snap chat. She is an honor roll student, I gave in and allowed her to do so. I made the descion before doing research, as I was preoccupied. So I told her let me see this app that your using, I wanted  to know what she was seeing, and not surprisingly there were many things that were inappropriate for an 11 year old. I explained to her that  it was unsafe for many reasons. She said "Like WHO?" she sassed me. I ran the list down list, 1.Virtual predators 2. Virtual predators and  3.Rapist and pedophiles. She laughed at me and said "Ok Mommy I'll stay off of it". I meant business, I now do not want her on any social websites. I don't want her seeing certain things and with her having access to everything at her fingertips I just cannot control it.

Who are your children talking to, do you really know?

What content are they being exposed to?

When do you actually take time to explore what their viewing ?

Where are they when using social media tools?

How do you feel about your child using the many social portals available?

Have you spoken to your children about the dangers of social media?

 If you cannot answer these questions with certainty. Reevaluate what you want your children to learn outside of what your teaching them. Know that they are learning so much more, via social media than what you think.  

Read these article, I feel like it applies to all of social media I could be wrong, but we need to be aware and proactive.

Reported By: Stephanie Abney
https://familyshare.com/19793/parenting/10-things-parents-and-kids-should-know-about-the-snapchat-app

Internet Safety 101
http://internetsafety101.org/snsdangers

Huffington Post Reported by: Jamison Monroe
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/dangers-of-social-media/

Single Mom Issues Sundays

So my most recent crisis is .... I had to be to work at 8pm tonight and my car has once again failed me. My children are overly excited that I get to stay home tonight. I am NOT we cannot afford, but "Hey whats a mom to do?" Children don't understand the struggles of everyday life. After all they are only children and the best part about it is life for them is worry free.

I am being sucked up by children things that I think I've done I have not.What do you do to relieve yourself when stretched thin ?  I need some type of resolution where is the space for your self when your newly separated. 3 years down the drain. I am mentally distraught beyond belief, with three children constantly asking where's he at? Now I have to literally do everything by myself. i am not juggling it well so far please help me.

Hi!
So I think it's important for parents to teach their children their WORTH. When not taught and learned, it can be too easy to slip into toxic relationships. If you don't know if you've ever been in one or know the signs read this article. http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20976691,00.html Tell me what you think! Sharing Is Caring!

              Apologies for skipping out on you all yesterday. I was stretched extremely thin,there were many things that occurred I'm not sure where to start.I'll just pick one. So let me tell you all about it. My 3 children ages 11,5,and 2 years old spent 3 days with my mother. I picked them up only to receive a call an hour later... She was ranting and raging calling my 5 year old son a thief and a liar stating "HE STOLE LYRIC'S TOYS!!" I calmly expressed that he did not as I was the one who packed his toys away. (Now I'll tell you who Lyric is on another day "it's deep.") So we went back and forth for about 2 minutes about said toys.Until I grew tired of it and hung up. Now this is my solution to ending arguments via telephone "Hang UP".
            I asked my daughter "Cheala where's the bag of toys Nana is referring to?" She immediately knew what I was talking about. "Oh mama I put it on the top shelf of the bookcase because Samir couldn't focus and get his clothes together." I called my mother back gave her the location and she vaguely said, "Oh okay I got it" and hung up. I was extremely bothered as she had just put my five year old child, in what I like to call the "Horrible People" category. 5 minutes later she calls back and say's in the most detached manor. "I'm sorry", I hung up.
         Yesterday morning she posted on a social media outlet. Something to the effect I'm paraphrasing "Loving you children doesn't mean that you, shouldn't teach them to respect others property Where's my toothpaste?". She then (A Grandmother) tagged my eleven year old daughter in the post. I vowed to never let them go to her house again because I feel like she's breaking them down before they even have a chance to learn themselves. As this is not the first time she's approached my children on an adult level.

The Questions of the day are as follows
1. Do you think I'm wrong?
2. How far would you go to protect your children?
3.How would you have handled the situation?